yours, tiramisu

do you smell the smoke?

I feel ridiculous saying this before I've even started working full-time, but I'm afraid I'm burning out. Of what I'm not sure. I'm not even doing all that much right now, and I know it'll get much worse in June and July.

I have yet to plan for my four private lessons this weekend. Recently I've been struggling to figure out what to do in class. I've finished teaching my students the basics of the curriculum so now what we do in class is up to my discretion. My supervisor told me that I can pick whatever in-class activities I want, like free writing prompts or analyzing a video/passage of my choice. The lack of specific guidance paralyzes me. There are plenty of things pinging around in my mind, but I don't know if they're things elementary and middle schoolers would find interesting.

I'm also building the new online portal for my tutoring company, a process which is occasionally rewarding but mostly frustrating. I'm frustrated right now because the task I'm working on right now is far more complex than the spec initially made it out to be: I have to do all sorts of funky SQL joins to get data from different places and my brain does not currently have the bandwidth to support tasks of that magnitude.

The sheer amount of things I have to do in the coming months weighs on my mind. On top of moving into a new apartment, the very day I start my new job I'll begin teaching writing bootcamps in the evenings from 8 to 10 PM. I'll teach every day from mid-June to around mid-July. The schedule gives me Saturday nights off, but I won't be able to rest then either because that's when my private lessons are. Three of them, back to back from 7 to 10 PM.

I know I could back out of this arrangement now but I won't. Selling an entire month's worth of evenings for two months of rent is too good a deal for me to pass up. But needing the money and even wanting to teach doesn't make me feel any less tired thinking about it.

My mom's been going around and telling all of her three friends about my new job, who have in turn texted me to congratulate me. She's also trying to take me out to celebrate tonight. I'm not really in the mood. I just want to lay down and dissociate for a while. (And eventually catch up on all the work staring at me.)

#english #wordvomit #work