yours, tiramisu

pride weekend 2023 in nyc

"What more could I want now beyond everything I've ever had, all over again, and the strength to withstand the heavens?"

Yesterday was Pride March/Parade in NYC, and the city showed up. Rainbow-clad New Yorkers filled up subway cars and shut down Fifth Avenue. Since I work in a place where Proud Boys often show up to events like these, it's lovely to be somewhere people can feel more comfortable in their own skin for a change. I didn't plan on going to Pride proper, but I got swallowed in the crowds while walking through the city and found myself in the thick of things. I enjoyed it for maybe all of two minutes until I got tired of getting jostled around and sweated on. I always forget how much I dislike crowds until they inevitably remind me.

While wading through oceans of Pride-goers my friend remarked that Pride has mutated into an 'in' social event to go to now, an excuse for people to get drunk and wild during the day. It's an observation that spawns some thought-provoking questions. Is there a right reason to go to a social event like this? Does going to a celebration of gay pride even matter if you're only there to have a good time? And as this person's sign points out, how much of this is actually about queer liberation rather than rainbow capitalism and virtue signaling?

yours, tiramisú

We passed by a church choir giving a free concert on the street in Brooklyn, and their singing gave me chills. We stood and watched for something like a quarter hour as they went through I've always wanted to join a vocal group like that, and I would totally join a church choir if they would spare me all the proselytizing and just let me sing.

I'm kind of amazed at the sheer amount of things I do every weekend (and this weekend was no different), and I'm slowly realizing that there are so many things to do in this city I'll never have time to do them all. I've written here about my desire to try everything before: to eat every dish in the world at least once, to try every restaurant in the city and experience as many new things as I can. This obsession might kill me in a city like this, or at least leave me exhausted, unhealthy, and poor, so I'm trying to wean myself off of it. I'm learning to be comfortable (even happy) with the things I end up not seeing or doing, because in their absence I'll be able to more fully enjoy the things I choose to do. Slowing down will let me indulge in them instead of treating them like items on a checklist, and, as my mother reminds me, aren't nice things more precious when you don't have them all the time?

Perhaps I'm getting old or simply sick of consumerism but I am so tired of shopping, and just browsing for things I know I don't need and can't even bring myself to want. Most of my excursions with friends stop at least a few times at stores (because what else is there to do in this city), but even at clothing stores I like I don't have the energy to flip through the racks of clothes. Ironically enough, I think New York has made me even more anti-consumerist than I was before. The sheer excess of the city—endless heaps of clothes, flea markets full of garbage, and adverts plastered on every square inch—helps me see my shopping habit for what it is: a thinly veiled attempt to escape boredom.

A friend from Seattle came to visit the city yesterday! We had a lovely time, and as the night wound down I found myself thinking about how sad I'd be when she left. This has been a common theme in my life recently, realizing that of all the time I'll get to spend with my friends in this lifetime, 80-90% of it has likely already passed.1 Isn't that crazy? I used to spend every day with these people in college, and now I only get to see them for a few hours every year. And that number will surely dwindle as people get married and move away and start families.


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  1. Don't believe me? Read this.

#english #nyc