the premortem
Yesterday when I told my parents about the offer my mom rebuked me for not asking for more money. To be honest with you, I couldn't care less. I'm obviously not thrilled to have significantly less disposable income in a high cost of living city either, but I'm just relieved to have something. Considering how the last six months have gone it is not hard to imagine myself unemployed in December.
I must have looked annoyed because my mom came around after an hour and even invited some friends (hers) over to celebrate and play cards with us in the evening. My parents' happiness dwarfs mine — I've never seen them so relieved — and makes me feel strange. I can't fully enjoy the good news like they can because I'm constantly aware of all the ways a job can go bad. I'll try to get them out here so I can see what's bothering me.
I'm worried about being able to do the work. This is by far the biggest concern, after the dumpster fire of my last job. I've never been happier to leave coding behind, but it's not like I know anything about communications either. What if I'm terrible at it?
I'm comforted by the fact that 1. this is a genuinely an entry level job (I was very open about having absolutely no professional writing experience) and 2. that most of my friends think that I'll be good at writing emails. I hope they're right. I can't bear to think what I'll do if I can't make this work.
I'm worried about the culture. As one of my friends texted me yesterday, "law firms are known to be toxic." I've already met one of what she called "really stuck-up higher ups" in the interview process. Culture isn't as big a concern as the work is because I recognize it's largely out of my control, but it's still an important one. What made me most miserable about my last job was the people (in particular, my old boss), more than my hatred for the work. If it weren't for that I probably would have stayed there even longer.
I'm worried about moving to New York. Longtime readers know I love New York. I'm very happy in the city. But I struggle to stay as healthy there as I do in the suburbs. There's less green space (especially public) and so much more good food everywhere. I don't want to gain weight and get out of shape but I haven't figured out how to avoid those things so far.
I'm worried about having a roommate. I'll be moving in to a friend's apartment. Fortunately for me he's very clean and has already hosted me countless times, but it's been a long time since I lived in such close quarters with someone that's not family. Repeated exposure can wear out any friendship. I hope this one not only survives, but comes out stronger for it.
I'm worried about money. My salary is less than two-thirds what I used to make. My mom keeps treating this like a death sentence. Earlier she looked me in the eyes with a concerned look and said, Call home if you run out of money, okay? I can be frugal when need be, so I'm certain it's not as bad as she makes it out to be. That said, I make less hourly than I do teaching, so I'll probably have to sacrifice a good deal of my free time tutoring for the spare change. It's not the worst thing in the world, I suppose.
we will miss this when it ends...