yours, tiramisu

moving on is hard + thank you notes

I have not been feeling so well emotionally these days. Keeping up at work is hard. Moving on post-breakup is even harder, because for as difficult as work is at least I can do something about it—I can work overtime, pour more effort into it and (sometimes) see results. I can't do anything to speed up the moving on process (at least healthily, that I know of). I can only sit and wait for the hurt to subside.

I'm realizing in the aftermath of this breakup (which happened almost three months ago now) that it takes me a long time to move on, perhaps longer than the average person. What does this say about me? Moving on too quickly is often seen as a red flag, since often the person wasn't very into the relationship in the first place, but is the contrapositive true? Does taking a long time to heal necessarily mean I was a good partner? I don't know. I certainly know from the pain that I loved her deeply and truly, but I don't know if it's solely responsible for how difficult I find to let go. Perhaps I'm more needy and dependent than I care to admit.

(Interestingly enough, I've heard estimates for the amount of time it takes to move on (T) expressed as a function of the relationship length (RL) that vary from T = RL/4 all the way to T = 2RL. What gives? I really hope mine does not prove to be the latter, because if so I've got a lonely and painful three years up ahead.)

A few days ago I came across Justin Wolfe's thank you notes, his daily gratitude practice on TinyLetter. I read a few and really loved the format, so I thought I'd try my hand at it. I've read that gratitude is the antidote to depression, and I hope it works. Between cold showers, eating healthy, spending time with friends, and working out, I'm running out of things to try.

I'm thankful for the girl who complimented my outfit as we waited in line for the bathroom, and for her telling me that blue is my color even though I was wearing black. (In her defense, it was pretty dim.)

I'm thankful for my friend who successfully figured out how to send me a postcard from Japan (!) to cheer me up. Thank you so much, really. I can't wait for you to come back so we can hang out again.

I'm thankful for my friend Kayla who invited me to her GeoGuessr league. It's humbling and often discouraging to get my ass handed to me by people who aren't even old enough to buy a beer, but it gives me something to look forward to everyday. And that's big considering most days I struggle to find the energy to get out of bed.

I'm thankful for my friends in New York who tried just about everything to help me stay in New York, including helping me find housing, brainstorming solutions, and even offering to give persuasive PowerPoint presentations to my parents. I'm sorry I can't stay; I truly wish I could. I feel like I've failed you all. Please do come visit, though!

I'm thankful for my mom, who I FaceTimed on Father's Day and instead of showing me her face while she talked she used the rear camera on her iPad to show me the golden kiwis I love so much for all of half an hour. (There's nobody here to eat all this fruit with you gone! I know, Mom. I'll be home soon. I miss you too.)

I'm thankful for my friend who picked up my call today at 5 PM and agreed to hang out with me even though I didn't have any semblance of a plan. You know you have a good friendship when you'll spend time with them doing anything. I'll accompany my favorite people anywhere: on errand runs, during scary movies (I might close my eyes though), even in line at the DMV.

I'm thankful to be in the beautiful city of New York, where I can go visit five, six of my closest friends (and even more who come to visit from out of town) by foot within an hour. I know I will miss this when I am back at home, where I only have a friend or two in town and some others if I get behind the wheel and drive a few hours.

Okay, that's all I can muster for now! I'm sorry if I haven't responded to your emails/messages or just plain forgotten to do things I said I would. I am Not doing so hot but hopefully things will get better soon.

thank you for reading; write to me at yourstiramisu 🐌 proton dot me

#english #gratitude #nyc