⭐ show the inside of your head in public
Recently I read a fascinating article called "Looking for Alice". I was immediately struck by Henrik's unique writing style, and the way he manages to give dating advice that somehow doesn't feel hackneyed or banal. My favorite line in the whole article was this one:
That is perhaps the most solid dating advice I have, by the way—show the inside of your head in public, so people can see if they would like to live in there.
I don't have much use for his dating advice right now, but with that line Henrik put concisely into words my motivations for keeping a blog. Yes, I started blogging to practice writing, but what keeps me going is sharing the thoughts in my head and having engaging conversations with other people about them. In essence, having a blog like this is what I think is one of the best ways to show the inside of my head to the rest of the world, so others can decide if they want to befriend me. Henrik even mentions it, too:
But I do think it is a good idea, generally, and one that I have used—to speedrun relationships by jumping directly to the strange parts. There is really no point in going to a café to talk safely (if you can avoid it). You want to rapidly extract as much information as possible, so you can figure out what you like and so that you can pattern match, and you want to communicate as much as possible, too, so you can filter people who wouldn’t fit you anyway (which is why keeping a blog is good).
These snippets come from a section titled "speed run authentic", a line I might adopt as part of my life philosophy. Life is too short for inauthenticity. Try to get past the small talk as quickly as you can. Be honest, and don't hide your true self, what makes you you.
His description of the kind of person you want to pick for a life partner also seems to me as decent advice for picking close friends (with some tweaks, of course). He writes,
The type of person I’m assuming we’re looking for here is 1) someone that you will find fascinating to talk to after you’ve talked for 20,000 hours, 2) you feel comfortable with them talking through the hardest and most painful decisions you will face in your life, and 3) the conversation is wildly generative for both of you, in that it brings you out, helps you become.
For friends, I'd edit that to say you should look for:
- someone that you will find fascinating to talk to after you've talked for many hours (maybe not quite 20k hours, but the sentiment stands),
- you feel comfortable with them talking about difficult topics, and
- the conversation is wildly generative for both of you, in that it brings you out, helps you become (emphasis not mine)
Enjoy savoring the rest of Henrik's blog post! It's been turning in my head for weeks.