yours, tiramisu

lord of the (fruit) flies

I haven't gone to the city much after work this week, or done much of anything for that matter other than call friends and work overtime and read. I feel so drained when I wake up, even though I'm consistently getting more than eight hours of sleep every night. I don't know if this is because I'm still repaying my sleep debt, because work is taking my soul, or because I have undiagnosed depression (though isn't just about everything a symptom of depression?), but I hope this torpor fades soon. It's no fun feeling sore and stuck in the mud all the time.

I have a terrible fruit fly infestation in my apartment. At first I thought I could handle them myself, but after killing more than 20 every day for the past week and bruising my hands smashing them I'm realizing I'll need to work smarter. As bugs infestations go, fruit flies aren't too bad—I'd take them over roaches or wasps any day of the week. They're small and harmless and fairly easy to kill, but I'm sick and tired of walking into swarms of them every time I need to do something in the kitchen. I bought some glue traps, and they're working... kinda? The one I set up has already got 6 flies stuck on it. But that's not nearly as many as I'd hoped.

While we're in the kitchen, I realized one of my bad habits is going grocery shopping before I've fully depleted my pantry and fridge. There are quite a few things that have accumulated from my grocery runs that I haven't gotten around to using, like some boxes of pasta and couscous and cans of beans. I'm forcing myself to eat all of them before I buy any more groceries, which I think will prevent things from expiring and getting thrown out unnecessarily. Unfortunately, this has meant eating a pretty depressing diet of sweet potatoes, kale, canned beans, and boxed grains the past few days for every single meal. But the bright side of this exercise is that it's given me a clearer idea of what I actually have in inventory. Maybe I should do the same thing with my budget, so I can figure out exactly where all my money is going? I've always struggled with things that require regular upkeep.

My brother's girlfriend asked me last week if I'd been going on any dates in NYC, which my brother translated was her way of asking me if I was okay emotionally. The answer has to be a resounding no, at least to the former question, because a.) I don't really go on dates in the conventional sense, b.) because New York City seems like a rather difficult place to start, and c.) most importantly, I don't feel whole yet. The fear, resentment, and anger from my last relationship still weighs heavily on my mind, and I feel like it would be extremely unfair to make some poor unsuspecting soul shoulder that emotional burden with me. Besides, I've never minded being single; it's just the goodbyes that hurt.

I just checked my blog stats, and it seems like I've just hit 100,000 reads all time for the blog?? Even accounting for the fact that half of these are probably from myself, I still struggle to wrap my head around that figure. Thank you for reading this blog and in turn, supporting my creative pursuits! I appreciate you immensely.

yours, tiramisú


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#english #journal #life #nyc