yours, tiramisu

coney island and khao mun gai

I finally got out to Coney Island today, and as expected, there was not that much to do. We didn't swim or even touch the sand (the water looked less than clean, to say the least), and since none of us are crazy about roller coasters or American fast food, we headed back to Manhattan after a short jaunt on the boardwalk and beer & darts at the local brewery.

It feels so strange for me to be back in my apartment at 6 PM on a weekend. I don't remember the last time this has happened (if ever). Of course, when I'm living with my parents I'm at home more often than not at this time, but in New York there's always things to do and friends to see on the weekends. I must say there's something very pleasant about coming back so early and having a pocket of time to spend writing, reading, and relaxing. I feel like I've completely lost my sense of time recently, which might be a symptom of extreme mental exhaustion, so I'll grab any chance I can get to slow down.

I've been thinking a lot about emotional fragility recently, since in the aftermath of my breakup many things will remind me of my ex and then proceed to make me sad for hours. My instinct is to avoid these bittersweet memories, a tendency I find uncharacteristic for me because my past self would have encouraged me not to run away from them and assign them more negative emotion in doing so. This reminds me a lot about mei's post "harmless things can look like threats", except in my case it's probably better written "many harmless things now make me very, very sad". I don't know how to deal with it—on one hand I don't think running away from things that remind me of my ex is a very sustainable way to deal with my fragility. On the other I don't think trying to desensitize myself to them has been very healthy or productive either. I guess I'll try writing about it? I always extol the benefits of airing these things out, so maybe it's time I took my own advice.

a list of things that once brought me joy, but now make me want to cry:


yours, tiramisú

yours, tiramisú

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