damned if i do, damned if i don't
The number of jobs I've applied to has taken a nosedive of late, commensurate with the level of motivation I feel. I'm burned out and frankly tired of looking, but rejection emails keep piling up in my inbox, reminding me that I need to stay the course.
On the bright side, I have another two phone screens/interviews lined up, both for software engineering positions. One I don't remember applying to, and the other I got through the referral of a friend currently trying to leave. That should tell you all you need to know about the quality of these leads.
Ironically, I feel more dread when I get interview requests than for rejections. I know this doesn't bode well for my chances of re-employment, but I simply do not want to study for technical interviews or have to lie through my teeth about why I want a job. Of course, being the well-trained sheep that I am, I will do both of those things, but I've not even started preparing and I can already feel my willpower evaporating.
The question I get asked most when I tell people this is why I don't apply to jobs I actually want. The simple answer is that I don't know what sorts of jobs I want. I'm applying to as many things as I can think of, which is... not a lot. Some of the positions I've applied to I think I could tolerate, but thus far I've only gotten serious callbacks for the coding ones (which I don't care for). It makes sense, given the market demand and my work history, but that doesn't stop me from wishing things didn't work that way.