yours, tiramisu

some physical trauma to go with the emotional

Late yesterday night while roasting brussel sprouts in an attempt to satisfy some hunger pangs, my ring finger touched the inside of the oven. I iced it immediately, so I thought I would be okay but today I noticed a faint purple, shiny line where my skin touched the hot glass. It matches the keloid scar I have on my other ring finger, which my mom tells me I got from punching a boiling kettle on the stove when I was small. I'm surprised my mom didn't leave me in the orphanage after such auspicious omens about my intelligence, but I'm grateful she didn't.

Now every time I get close to the oven while cooking I feel my burned finger flash with pain. Is this the result of scar tissue higher sensitivity to heat, or my body's innate response to trauma? I'd wager probably a mix of both reasons, which gives me something to chew on regarding the similarities between my body's responses to physical and emotional trauma. (They resemble each other, don't they?)

I had plans to meet a Discord friend today after work but it wasn't until I got to Manhattan that I realized I had no way of contacting him, since I deleted Discord from my phone a while ago and didn't have his phone number. Fortunately, I remembered I had his email and he somehow saw my panic email in time, but the whole situation made me ask, how did people arrange to meet back before the Internet (and cell phones) were a thing? Did people who were chronically late just not have friends? What if you got lost, without Google Maps or any way to let your friend know you were running late? It's a world I've not just never known, but also one I quite literally cannot fathom.

I (supposedly) have signed up for a soccer league in the NYC rec league starting this Sunday night, which I guess makes me officially a Sunday league player? I'm equal parts excited and anxious, because there are very few activities that bring me as much joy as playing soccer (playing in a good orchestra is the only that comes to mind), but I'm nervous because I've only met one of my soon-to-be teammates and I have no clue how good any of them will be. I would hate to be the one that brings the whole team down, cause I already feel that way every day at work and it's not a feeling I want any more of.


thank you for reading; write to me at yourstiramisu 🐌 proton dot me

#english #journal #nyc