yours, tiramisu

audentes fortuna iuvat

I'm going to a concert today! A friend of mine bought two tickets but can't go (oh, medical school), and he gave me both. I only know one of the artist's songs, but I'm not too worried because the same happened at the last concert I went to and I had a blast regardless.

My unfamiliarity with the artist does present one decision to make, though: do I try to listen to as many songs as I can before I go? Familiarizing myself with the music would definitely make it easier for me to recognize and remember parts of the performance. On the other hand, when else am I going to get a chance to hear songs live for the very first time? I can't decide which side I stand on (the friend I invited to go with me has been last-minute cramming listening to his songs), but fortunately, my indolence has made the decision for me: I can't be bothered to listen to his music (I've been in a long Bob Dylan phase of late and can't quite get myself to listen to anything else), so it'll all be a surprise!

This is also going to be my first ever standing room only concert (at least I think it will be), which I'm slightly apprehensive about. Will it be hard for me to see? Am I going to feel claustrophobic with all these people jostling around me for a good view? I'm hoping it won't be the worst case scenario I'm sketching up in my head. I hate small enclosed spaces with lots of people!!

I spoke to my therapist yesterday about the mental block I feel when applying for career jobs in tech. I don't have as much of an issue when it comes to applying for temporary part-time jobs like retail or tutoring gigs, but every time I think about finding a full-time job remotely related to what I've been doing I shut down. I explained to her how my computer science degree makes me feel constrained to programming jobs, because recruiters only ever want to hire me to code (which I hate and suck at), and how I can't think of any positions I'd be a good fit for without completely changing career paths. I guess I must have done too good a job explaining how I felt and outlining my dismal prospects, because after I was done a heavy silence ensued which seemed to say, "Wow, you really are as stuck and lost as you claim."

That being said, I stumbled across some open technical writing positions this morning and applied to them. It's a job that's never really been on my radar, but I feel like it might be a better fit for me than any software engineering positions. At the very least, I'll be writing English (even if it's mind-numbingly boring), not C# or Java or Python, and I figure I'll enjoy doing that more than debugging nondescript error messages or looking for missing semicolons.

Naturally, since technical writing has never once crossed my mind before today, I'm woefully underqualified for the vast majority of open listings (why on earth would anyone need someone with specifically seven years of experience, anyway?). The pay would also certainly be a step down from my last position, but at this point I think I need to cast a wider net. I feel strongly that there are jobs out there in technology that I could be decent at, but the task now is for me to find them (to say nothing of landing them), and I can't expect to find them without first searching far and wide.

One of my favorite Latin proverbs is Audentes Fortuna Iuvat, or "fortune favors the brave." I've kind of gotten away from its ethos in the years since I first came across it, but I desperately need to inject more of that energy into my life. I can't sit here and lament my lack of opportunities if I don't first go out and look for them.

#english #journal #life #wordvomit #work