yours, tiramisu

20 signs you're emotionally mature (notes from the school of life video)

I've been thinking about emotionally maturity these past few weeks, especially how I can learn to be more emotionally mature.

These are my notes (copied almost verbatim) from the School of Life's 20 Signs You're Emotionally Mature.

  1. You realize that most of the bad behavior of other people really comes down to fear and anxiety—rather than, as it is generally easier to presume, nastiness or idiocy.
    • You stop being as self-righteous, because people aren't good or bad. Nothing is black or white, just shades of gray.
  2. Other people can't read your mind, so you have to articulate your intentions and feelings calmly and clearly so other people can understand you.
  3. Nobody is infallible. You apologize when you make mistakes.
  4. You're confident, not because you have an overinflated view of yourself, but because you realize that everyone else is just as stupid, scared, and lost as you are.
  5. You forgive your parents for the pain they inflicted on you, because they were dealing with demons of their own. Anger turns to pity and compassion.
  6. You learn the effect of small external factors on your mood. Don't bring up contentious issues with a loved one until everyone is well-rested, well-fed, sober, and not in a rush.
  7. You give up sulking. If someone hurts you, you don't store up hatred and hurt for days. Life is too short to sulk. You don't expect others to know what's wrong; you tell them straight and if they understand and apologize, you forgive them. And even if they don't, you forgive them too, in another way.
  8. You cease to believe in perfection in any area. You appreciate "good enough".
  9. You learn to be a little more pessimistic about how things will turn out, which in turn makes you more patient and forgiving.
  10. Everyone's weaknesses of character are linked to counter-balancing strengths. Rather than isolating their weaknesses, you look at the whole picture.
  11. You fall in love less easily, because you realize that nobody is perfect once you get up close. You develop loyalty to what you already have.
  12. You learn that you are a difficult person to live with, and go into friendships and relationships kindly warning others of how and when you might prove a challenge.
    • This reminds me creating a user manual for yourself, which strikes me as a particularly fun and interesting exercise.
  13. You learn to forgive yourself for your errors and foolishness. You realize the unfruitful self-absorption involved in flogging yourself for past mistakes.
  14. You learn part of being mature is making peace with the child inside you. You don't have to force yourself to act like a grown-up all the time.
  15. You stop putting too much hope in grand plans to provide you with lasting happiness. Instead, you celebrate little things that go well. Satisfaction comes in increments of minutes, so you develop a taste for small pleasures.
  16. You care less what people think of you, because you realize that they seldom do.
  17. You get better at receiving feedback. You can listen to criticism without getting defensive.
  18. You realize how you can stuck inside your head. You remember that you need to get out and get a perspective on things that pain you, whether that be by taking walks in nature, spending time with others, or stargazing.
  19. You recognize how your distinctive past colors your response to events, and learn to compensate for the distortions that result. You become suspicious of your own first impulses. Sometimes, you realize it's best not to go with your first feelings.
  20. You realize that friendship is really about sharing vulnerability.

#english #notes